she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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