it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
