I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
