I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
