I hate your face
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
