that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
