and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
