He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
