I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
