So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
