people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
