just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
