u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Damn victory sex feels great
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
