evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
