Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
