I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize