People in love make me want to vomit
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she looked like the before picture.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
