I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
