everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
