i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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