dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
