I cut my penus on the lid.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize