I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
