Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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