I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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