matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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