Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
