went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
