A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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