i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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