I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
