its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
