Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
