I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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