farters have to be the big spoon...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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