No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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