he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
