What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just google imaged poop.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
