she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need water and some morals
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
