I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
