hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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