I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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