I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
