I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize