he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
