I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
