Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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