Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
