Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's the barista slut.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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