I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
