I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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