I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
