we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
