we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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