Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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