the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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