You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
