My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
