Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
