got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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