This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
