super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
