What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
