I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
