Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
