I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
