btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
