ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
