afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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