My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
