I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
