Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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