I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
