Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
